I’m in the midst of two huge life changes. I just graduated, and I’m still job hunting. I thought I would be able to hold out for a permanent, full-time position, but I’m getting to the point where I just need an income, so those plans have changed some. I’m also in the beginning stages of planning a wedding. My life is weird right now. I’m back and forth between the place I now share with my fiance and my childhood home, and it feels a little like I’m just drifting along. A job would ground me some, but obviously I’m not there yet.
As far as goals go, my floaty situation makes it a little more complicated than normal. Typically, I like to make concrete goals based on what I’m doing. But right now, I’m not doing anything concrete. So my goals for this season, from now until my wedding at the end of September, have had to be more introspective. It’s only been a month since I’ve graduated, but it has been very frustrating not having an income or a set plan of my own. I tend toward pessimism anyway, but this situation has definitely made that worse, and that’s not good for me or anyone around me. So these goals are my attempt to change that.
- Be more selfless — nothing I do in my life affects me and only me. This is kind of a broad goal, which is not how you’re supposed to make goals, but this is something I need to work on. One specific thing I need to do is plan my wedding for my fiance. I get hung up on the fact that we’re having a traditional wedding at a moment in our lives when we ourselves can’t afford it, which really bothers me. Sometimes it bothers me so much I feel like scrapping everything and going to the courthouse. But both our parents have told me multiple times that they want to give us a beautiful wedding. Weddings are family affairs, and I also know that my fiance wants a traditional wedding. So when I get overwhelmed and exasperated, I have to remember that I’m not doing anything for just me.
- Communication Goals:
- Talk to myself! This sounds crazy, but this is actually a proven method of motivation and emotion management. Speaking to yourself out loud offers the most benefits, but even talking to yourself in your head can have a good effect. I usually feel too silly to talk to myself out loud, but sometimes, when I notice how negatively I’m thinking, I try to turn that around and tell myself the good side of what’s happening, or why what I’m thinking is wrong. And it does help. (Try it before you call me crazy.)
- Make it a point to speak to people I don’t see on a regular basis. I’m bad about not texting or calling people when I haven’t seen them in awhile. I haven’t had to deal with this, really, because I’ve never spent more than a few months away from my close friends. But now we’ve all graduated, and we’re all over the place. I need to initiate contact once or twice a month at least if I want to keep up the friendship. And I’m much better about keeping up with my parents, but I need to make it more of a point to say hello to my siblings once in awhile, too.
- Always, always tell my fiance if something is bothering me. Sometimes I find myself repressing emotions, and it just makes me bitter and angrier at things that go wrong. He has never once failed me or ignored my perspective when I’ve told him something that had been bothering me, and I need to remember that and give him the chance to help. And on the flip side of this, I need to make sure I’m not ignoring his needs, either.
- Be assertive. During the past couple months, I’ve made decisions that I thought through carefully. But then I would find out that one or more people didn’t like that decision, or didn’t think it was best for me, and I would end up changing my mind or waffling back and forth. It caused a lot of stress, and I’m tired of that. In decisions that I make from now on, I will of course consult the people that decision may directly involve, and will think through all my options. But once the decision is made, I’m not changing because of differences in opinion. Even though not having a job makes me feel like a child, I’m not. I’m an adult, and adults make decisions that others don’t like.
I’m giving myself a little wiggle room to change/modify/add to these goals as the weeks go by. But I think these are good starting points.