I have always thought that I don’t get stressed out easily, but really it’s just that I don’t stress out about the same things my friends stress about. Throughout my high school and college years, my friends have been worried about grades and relationships, primarily. While I did yearn for a boyfriend in high school, I never worried about grades. I worked hard, but I didn’t stress out about an 88.9 versus a 90. I always did my best, and then took what grade was assigned. Grades don’t bother me — I know I can pass classes, and when I’m truly invested in a project I take a lot of pride in my work.
So while a lot of my friends are panicking about final exams and presentations, I’m coasting right through that. What I’ve been panicking about recently is my job and living situation.
I’ve always been one to plan for the future. I have a good idea of what I’d like to do. But if you’ve been reading this blog awhile, you know that I have had a lot of trouble job hunting. I have realized that part of my problem is that the jobs I’m applying to are ones that want to hire immediately, and until this Saturday (!!!), I’m still in school. I’m not physically in the city I’m moving to, so it’s difficult for me to schedule interviews, and I’ve lost a few opportunities that way. This is so frustrating when I’m trying to be proactive.
An added stressor is that my fiancé and I are trying to find a place to live. He has a job set up, but we are having to apply for apartments using only his expected income, which obviously limits us to a tighter budget than it would if I had a job already also. We’re to the point where we need to find one, and fast, and while we have viewing appointments set up for this week, it’s just stressful not knowing.
All this stress has gotten to me these past couple weeks. I haven’t really been myself, because I’m so frustrated with my job search. I know I will be able to find something eventually, but at the moment I feel like I am the one holding us back. And then there is the fact that my parents still aren’t thrilled with the idea of us moving together. It’s just a lot to handle, and I haven’t handled it very well.
My fiancé obviously notices this. And I always, always forget what an incredible support he is to me. When I get stressed or frustrated, I tend to distance myself, because even now I dislike feeling dependent, especially financially. I like to be a self-sufficient person, and when my lack of a job is the thing hurting our apartment search, it’s mildly devastating. But I need to remember that he and I are a team.
Whenever he notices that I’m not myself, he goes out of his way to help me out. He’s kind and patient with me, and doesn’t let me keep my problems to myself. He asks me what’s wrong until I admit the real problem. And then he listens to me, and he understands. And then he reassures me that yes, this sucks, but we’re going to make it. This is life, and sometimes it’s frustrating, but I don’t have to deal with it alone. And then he just acts like a goofball until I end up laughing.
I can’t explain enough how good this is for me. I can be a negative person, and I also tend to give up when I get overwhelmed. He reminds me of the good things that are happening in my life, and reminds me to take things one step at a time. These past few weeks since we got engaged have been stressful and intense, but that is no better reminder that it’s for this and a million other reasons that I’m so, so excited to marry him.