You’d think that by now I’d know to take precautions against my ever-changing mind. You’d think I would know to apply for other schools’ scholarships even if I think I know where I’m going. You’d think I would know myself well enough to know what I most enjoy doing. You’d think.
I wonder, in hindsight, if I didn’t just choose a school to get it over with. College decisions are so, so stressful, and I wanted mine made before the new year. Which it was. But now I’m second-guessing.
For a long time I was planning on majoring in music, but I ditched that idea about a year ago. You have to really adore music — and be good at it — to do that. I like music, but not enough to make it my whole life.
After I scrapped music I decided I wanted to major in economics — a strange switch, I know. At the time I had just begun an AP econ course, which I was really enjoying. But that, too, grew old.
Then I remembered the results on the spiritual gifts test I took last year — my top gift was administration. So I thought, why not put that attribute to good use? I’ll major in basic business or business management. I’m good at organizing.
That was my most recent thought. The school I picked has a very good business program, is close to home but not too close, and is very affordable. I picked it, and I thought, this is it. I didn’t want to deal with college choices anymore. So I deleted or recycled mail I got from my other top schools. Forget applying for scholarships to those schools. Forget watching out for deadlines.
But like I said, now I’m second-guessing. I love to write, and am wondering if I shouldn’t major in English or journalism. I love clothes and sewing, and am wondering if I shouldn’t go to a liberal arts school where I can explore all my interests at once. I chose a tech school, and am now wondering if that was entirely the wrong choice. What if I messed up my chances for switching schools if I need to? What if I waste a year at the wrong school? What if I end up having to stay at home another year? I don’t think I could stand it.
Why is this so hard?
Futures looming, fighting
My fingers pick one
It mocks me.