Run, [insert name here], Run

I hate running.

I mean, I really do.

The feet take a serious pounding.  Every step slams, slams, slams into the pavement.  Every slam sends a jolt to the knees, repeatedly jarring those poor joints.  What did they do to deserve this?  The thighs burn like fire under a spit while the body roasts beneath the exertion.  The lungs shrivel as they gasp and wheeze, desperately reaching for air and never finding it.  The heart pumps madly into the stomach, making even the tiniest bits of half-digested food roil in anger.  Oh please, let the torture end.

I said I hate running.

But apparently I like torture.

Today, I signed up for the Color Me Rad 5K that is roughly four months from now.  When, I might mention, it will be much hotter than it is now.

Why? you ask.  Tell me again why you signed up for a 5K when you clearly loathe the action of putting one foot in front of the other at a quick pace while breathing rhythmically.

I found a roommate for college in the fall.

No, I did not just jump from one thought train to another.

I am not going to leave you hanging.

Unless, of course, I continue to hold you in suspense.

Which I could choose to do.

It’s like putting off running – now inevitable.

See what I did there?


I found a roommate for the fall – or rather, she found me.  The college I’ve chosen has a roommate-matching questionnaire attached to the housing application. You answer a few questions, write a bit about yourself, and post it all so others can see how well you matched their own survey.

I had about decided to let the university assign me a random roommate when someone – we’ll call her Leah – contacted me.  Nobody I had contacted before wanted to live in the hall I had chosen, but Leah did – and we were a 100% match on the questionnaire.

Great, right?  Well, it gets better.  We began texting and found out we have a lot of things in common.  But we also have enough differences so as to, I think, be a very good balance.  We’re planning on finding a church, doing diy projects, and working out together.

Wait, you say.  Did you say working out?


Despite all my complaining, I actually like exercising.  I do a calisthenics-based workout at least four days a week, truly enjoy walking, and a few days ago began a fitness class called Barrefitte that combines yoga, pilates, and ballet.

(Note on the name: the emphasis is on fitte. The name is not Barf It.  That’s what you do when you run.)

Apparently, Leah enjoys exercising too, which is why she suggested being workout buddies.  And I’m cool with that.  Then she told me about the Color Rad run, which she did last year.

To be honest, it does look like fun.  You wear a white t-shirt to this race, and as you run, you get bombed with bursts of cornstarch dyed different colors so that at the end, you look more like a Technicolor alien than a human.  Then if you soak your shirt in vinegar and iron it, you get a super cool souvenir to wear when you go to college in the fall.  :)

However, if you know anything about fitness, you’ll have noticed that all the exercises I normally do focus on muscle toning and stretching.  I do virtually no cardio – which is basically all running is.

But if both Leah and I do the Color Rad run, that means we get to meet each other before move-in day, which is infinitely preferable to just texting all summer.  Plus we get awesome matching t-shirts.

Therefore, I signed up.

Therefore (against my better judgment), I run.

Another reason to not run
Another reason to not run


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